1. Story time!

    So I was at this party and this guy was telling a joke at my expense. Whatever, I’m pretty cool enough with it and he was doing this with all the party guests.
    So anyway he half joking half insultingly suggests that I suck a lot of cock.
    I look him dead in the eye and without a beat I say “masterfully.”
    He couldn’t do shit after that. He came to a full stop. probably imagining crazy sex fantasies. He can’t call me a cocksuker. I just admitted to being the Cocksuker King!

    Never mind that I’m a virgin who has never touched a penis in my life and might be a lesbian.

  2. I was talking about my friend living near the city of Salmon Arm (weird Canadian city names represent!) when my uncle, who is usually pretty quiet and rarely interjects into conversations says, “Salmons don’t have arms.”
    And we both know that the city is named because of the river, and rivers can have arms, yet both of us had our world crash down in front of us at the pure and simple truth that salmon don’t have arms.

  3. Early enough for Valentines Day?
Hey Mik! You inspired me to draw. I hope you don’t mind. Your dresses are the cutest thing ever. Every loli needs some big head massive eyed anime character to go with their outfit right? 

    Early enough for Valentines Day?

    Hey Mik! You inspired me to draw. I hope you don’t mind. Your dresses are the cutest thing ever. Every loli needs some big head massive eyed anime character to go with their outfit right? 

  4. …….

    ………

    …the rhinoceroses are Nazis….

    … 3 guesses to what I’m thinking about

  5. uuuugggghhhhhh

    i have cousins posting articles on facebook about The DANGERS of BIRTHCONTROL PILL USAGE!!!! 

    *Headdesk

    And the alternative to birth control pill is…. no birth control. Just good old “natural” remedies. and it’s all about how her life is so much better and all doctors are liars. and that all her facebook friends should give up the BCP cause its soooooo damaging.

    *Doubleheadesk

    and her main argument is the scary “fact” that you might not be able to have children after using it. (well she means like using it, then stopping to try and get pregnant, but you know what I mean)

    ugh. I have a life thanks to this pill. I am well informed by certified medical practitioners, not weird non-cited articles on the internet. I am prepared for whatever side effects I’ll have. Even not children. this planet has too many people anyway. 

  6. soo worked up right now.

    I need Christmas break and I need it fast.

  7. HELP! I’M TRYNNA WRITE A PAPER ON 18TH CENTURY ROMANTICISM. WHY AM I WATCHING HANNIBAL FANVIDS? HOW DID MY LIFE COME TO THIS? I CAN’T.

  8. Deleted internet dating profile. 

    So done, I don’t care that I’m single, and everyone sucks.

    My expectations must be so fucking high.

    Single life rocking on for nearly 5 years and I don’t plan on stopping now.

    Fuck it. 

  9. Kimi Ni Todoke

    WHAT’S WITH THIS ANIME?!!

    I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!!

    ONE MINUTE IT’S ALL:

    NEXT MINUTE IT’S ALL:

    AND THEN IT GETS:

    GET ME THE FUCK OFF THIS EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER! LEGIT TEARS ARE COMING OUT OF MY EYES. NOT COOL. WAAAAHHH~

  10. wtf. weird people on okcupid. losing faith not in humanity, but in men. slowly  beginning to not care about relationships at all. I think I’d live an awesome and amazing life without a dude at all. Lonely sometimes yes, but never in the shit. If I get in the shit, it would be my own shit. 

Avatar

Page 1 of 13